It's interesting to look back over a period of time and see a path that was designed by God.
Nearly three years ago I lost my job due to the corporation moving our jobs to the corporate offices in another state. A couple of different reasons led me to waiting nearly a year to look for another job, and by the time I did, things were rather desperate. A year ago last week, I went for an interview with a local corporation in a field I'd never worked and was hired on the spot. I make $3 an hrs less than I did at my old job, but I'd learned to live more frugally, so I was actually better off financially.
This past summer I was given a different job assignment that was a lateral move, but a job with a lot more responsibility. The company was already having financial issues due to inflation, and my boss told me that even though this new position didn't come with a raise, it would make me more valuable to the company. I wasn't upset, because I knew he was right, and I was becoming board with what I was doing.
There were a lot of changes in the office for the whole spring and summer, and it was a living hell many days. There were days I wanted badly to quit, but I'm not by nature a quitter. In fact, I can be rather stubborn. I dug in my heals and worked to do my best to learn the new position. Then in October, I was given even more to do that made me even more valuable to the company - and it's even more interesting that what I was already doing. We're talking about the potential start of a career now, not just a job. But this isn't the really important part.
The important parts are these:
1) My company had to lay off a lot of people in November, including several in the Corporate Offices where I work. Even though I'm the newbie in my office, the importance of my job and the fact that I'm doing really well at it (praises even from a VP) meant I am still employed.
2) My dad lost his job in October, and my Mom is disabled. They are in some really tight financial times right now. This is where the hand of God can be seen in my current job. I am in the position where I can help out my parents some, including with food and such. God didn't just give me a really awesome job a year ago, He gave it to my parents.
We produce a food product, and tomorrow I'll be taking my parents (who live out of town and will be visiting) to our outlet store and stocking them up on frozen product. I'll get to buy them more than I would at a store due to my employee discount, and I'll just charge it to my payroll account, so there's no way that my parents can pull a fast one and try to pay for it.
No, this isn't going to solve the dilemma my parents are in. It is going to help relieve some of the burden though, and it's all because a year ago, my boss took a chance and hired someone without any experience in that line of work - I think he was moved by God to hire me, and I think he deserves some of the credit for listening.
That's it for now. It's time for bed, and I'm too tired to think clearly anymore. But I just had to post about this while I was thinking about it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tough Times All Over
Today, my company had their 2nd day of layoffs. Several were let go Friday, and for some reason it didn't hit so hard. Perhaps it was because still new and I was in shock mode. Also, there's a woman who sits next to me that will very likely be let go, and we were on edge waiting for them to come talk to her. They never did. We knew the layoffs weren't over, but I never thought the ones let go would be the ones. Today they let go two more engineers, guys that have been with the company for many years and are at an age that could make it hard for them to quickly find another job. I didn't know about it until they were gone, right at the end of the day, but I saw one of them driving by my window to where his boss parked. The look on his face was heart-breaking, and I worry for his health tonight that he might have a heart attack. I really hope wife is loving and supportive, because he will need someone to hold him up. I didn't see his boss, but they said he was also taking it hard.
The interesting thing in all of this is that I will most likely not loose my job, even though I've not even been with the company a whole year yet. It is because I do a job that has to be done to keep two of our plants running, and no one else knows how to do this job. There are two that know parts of it, but they have different jobs now. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for this. I have this job because of loosing a job when the corporation I worked for decided to move my job and others to their corporate offices in St. Louis. It would pretty much stink to loose another one so soon. I think I'm experiencing a touch of survivor's guilt. I'm also just in plain God-fearing awe that I have this job due to Him, and Him alone. Last December, I was sent on a job interview by a temp agency to a company in a field that I'd never worked in before, but I was ready for a change. I'd been in the medical field for about ten years, and I thought it'd be nice to see what else was out there. I walked out with the job, and when I finished the temporary position, I was moved into the corporate purchasing department. Then this past summer, I was moved into one of the positions of assistant to the Director of the department, which didn't come with a raise, but I was told at the time it made me more valuable to the company. I didn't mind the lateral move into a harder job, because I knew if nothing else, I was gaining job experience. Now it seems this valuable position is paying off, and like I said before, I'm in stunned awe of all God did to get me into this position.
Well, that's it. I pretty much just needed to get all that off my chest. Please pray for a guy name Phillip, the guy that I am worried about. Pray for everyone loosing their jobs in these days that a new job isn't always easy to come by.
The interesting thing in all of this is that I will most likely not loose my job, even though I've not even been with the company a whole year yet. It is because I do a job that has to be done to keep two of our plants running, and no one else knows how to do this job. There are two that know parts of it, but they have different jobs now. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for this. I have this job because of loosing a job when the corporation I worked for decided to move my job and others to their corporate offices in St. Louis. It would pretty much stink to loose another one so soon. I think I'm experiencing a touch of survivor's guilt. I'm also just in plain God-fearing awe that I have this job due to Him, and Him alone. Last December, I was sent on a job interview by a temp agency to a company in a field that I'd never worked in before, but I was ready for a change. I'd been in the medical field for about ten years, and I thought it'd be nice to see what else was out there. I walked out with the job, and when I finished the temporary position, I was moved into the corporate purchasing department. Then this past summer, I was moved into one of the positions of assistant to the Director of the department, which didn't come with a raise, but I was told at the time it made me more valuable to the company. I didn't mind the lateral move into a harder job, because I knew if nothing else, I was gaining job experience. Now it seems this valuable position is paying off, and like I said before, I'm in stunned awe of all God did to get me into this position.
Well, that's it. I pretty much just needed to get all that off my chest. Please pray for a guy name Phillip, the guy that I am worried about. Pray for everyone loosing their jobs in these days that a new job isn't always easy to come by.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Paradigm Shift
So I've been out of church for about six months now, not trusting church people or even God. It's painful to keep trusting people only to find out I was stupid. None of us can be trusted, and yet, there's always the hope that "this" person can be trusted. What I had to search was when did I stop trusting God? Even when the music group and the others involved did all they did, even when I didn't believe that God's will is always done, I still trusted Him with my life. But I reached a point this summer when I stopped believing in His love. Why? I tracked it back to when I realized that we will not be raptured out of here before the tribulation, and I didn't see how I could trust a God that would allow the ones who believed in His Son and lived their lives for Him to go through such a horrible time. This shook the very foundation of my faith, and I walked away for the most part. I've never stopped thinking about it, knowing that if I didn't get my heart back where it belonged, my future was eternity without God.
It's interesting the thoughts that come to mind in the nether-world between sleep and awake, the twilight sleep of the morning without an alarm. I finally realized that not taking us out of here before things get really bad isn't a lack of love on God's part. I realized that the Christians here in the U.S., Canada, perhaps New Zealand and Australia, we are about the only place where Christians haven't yet faced severe persecution for our faith, and it's rather wimpy to think we should get to miss the tribulation via the rapture. I now realize that God already knows when and how I will die and what I will go through between now and then. I am at peace knowing that He is already there.
There's another area that I've had to deal with in this journey through agnosticism. I've finally come to grips with the fact that I'd allowed witchcraft into my view of God. I bought into the "word of faith" thinking, the "name it and claim it" teachings and probably a good does of the emergent-church beliefs . I've got to start over on this deal, rebuild what i know about God and His word. This is made harder by the fact that I have no desire to go to any church, but this too will probably work out. Some other morning, when floating in twilight sleep, it will be clear to me where I'm supposed to go, who I'm supposed to show my heart to again.
One thing about it, I won't fake it. I won't pretend to believe just to make other Christians and church-people happy. That would be the truth part of "in spirit and in truth" I guess. And perhaps since He's still working on my heart, God agrees.
It's interesting the thoughts that come to mind in the nether-world between sleep and awake, the twilight sleep of the morning without an alarm. I finally realized that not taking us out of here before things get really bad isn't a lack of love on God's part. I realized that the Christians here in the U.S., Canada, perhaps New Zealand and Australia, we are about the only place where Christians haven't yet faced severe persecution for our faith, and it's rather wimpy to think we should get to miss the tribulation via the rapture. I now realize that God already knows when and how I will die and what I will go through between now and then. I am at peace knowing that He is already there.
There's another area that I've had to deal with in this journey through agnosticism. I've finally come to grips with the fact that I'd allowed witchcraft into my view of God. I bought into the "word of faith" thinking, the "name it and claim it" teachings and probably a good does of the emergent-church beliefs . I've got to start over on this deal, rebuild what i know about God and His word. This is made harder by the fact that I have no desire to go to any church, but this too will probably work out. Some other morning, when floating in twilight sleep, it will be clear to me where I'm supposed to go, who I'm supposed to show my heart to again.
One thing about it, I won't fake it. I won't pretend to believe just to make other Christians and church-people happy. That would be the truth part of "in spirit and in truth" I guess. And perhaps since He's still working on my heart, God agrees.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Test a new addon to Firefox
This is supposed to let me post to my blog in a faster, easier way. I will soon see.
And it worked.
And it worked.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Very Long Time, No Post
I completely forgot about this thing for a long time, and then when I remembered it a few weeks ago, I couldn't get logged in. The "forgot password" option wasn't working. I tried one more time tonight, and here I am.
So incredibly much has happened since my last post, and it's been a roller coaster of a time. I wish I could say it's been a good ride. Some of it has been, but most of it hasn't. I can't remember right now all that I posted about, so I'll do my best to follow up on things.
I did make it to Israel, and it was one of the most amazing times of my life, and the power of that trip lasted for quite a long time. I may post some pix here, but I took over 550 and it's really hard to choose which to post. While I was there, my mom nearly died again. I called home on Thanksgiving morning there (the night before here), and after talking to my dad for a bit, I asked, "Where's Mom?" I was surprised she hadn't jumped on the phone as soon as she heard it was me. My poor Dad, I could hear it in his voice, the dreading of me asking that question. They didn't want me to worry about Mom on my trip a quarter of the world away. The good part was, by the time I found out she was in the hospital, she was no longer in critical condition, so the worst was over. The best part was that the night before (in Israel), we were at a church service that was broadcast worldwide, and my mom was able to see it back here in the states. They said seeing me like that did more for her than all the meds they had at the hospital. *sigh* If only life were really that simple.
And then I came back, and life started up again, and the further I got into 2008, the worse life got. I'm now out of church and not trusting God very much. I have a few people in my life that have tried to help me see the true source of my troubles, and a part of me knows they are right. My heart, though, is still very broken and cynical. I've posted some of the reasons why on this blog, but perhaps not all. As for the music group goes, I still get sad sometimes at the loss of what might have been, but I really don't think about them often. There is only one person that I even have contact with who is still connected to Nashville in anyway, but we only connect about once every couple of months. I still have all their cds, except the last one, but I nearly never listen to their music. It's hard to, knowing what kind of people they really are. I'm just glad that there is Air1 and that genre, and that I've never gotten to know any of them. Ignorance truly is bliss.
I guess that's all for now. Now that I have my password again, and I'm pretty sure no one that I know will ever see this, I may post more and more open with my true self. Perhaps.
So incredibly much has happened since my last post, and it's been a roller coaster of a time. I wish I could say it's been a good ride. Some of it has been, but most of it hasn't. I can't remember right now all that I posted about, so I'll do my best to follow up on things.
I did make it to Israel, and it was one of the most amazing times of my life, and the power of that trip lasted for quite a long time. I may post some pix here, but I took over 550 and it's really hard to choose which to post. While I was there, my mom nearly died again. I called home on Thanksgiving morning there (the night before here), and after talking to my dad for a bit, I asked, "Where's Mom?" I was surprised she hadn't jumped on the phone as soon as she heard it was me. My poor Dad, I could hear it in his voice, the dreading of me asking that question. They didn't want me to worry about Mom on my trip a quarter of the world away. The good part was, by the time I found out she was in the hospital, she was no longer in critical condition, so the worst was over. The best part was that the night before (in Israel), we were at a church service that was broadcast worldwide, and my mom was able to see it back here in the states. They said seeing me like that did more for her than all the meds they had at the hospital. *sigh* If only life were really that simple.
And then I came back, and life started up again, and the further I got into 2008, the worse life got. I'm now out of church and not trusting God very much. I have a few people in my life that have tried to help me see the true source of my troubles, and a part of me knows they are right. My heart, though, is still very broken and cynical. I've posted some of the reasons why on this blog, but perhaps not all. As for the music group goes, I still get sad sometimes at the loss of what might have been, but I really don't think about them often. There is only one person that I even have contact with who is still connected to Nashville in anyway, but we only connect about once every couple of months. I still have all their cds, except the last one, but I nearly never listen to their music. It's hard to, knowing what kind of people they really are. I'm just glad that there is Air1 and that genre, and that I've never gotten to know any of them. Ignorance truly is bliss.
I guess that's all for now. Now that I have my password again, and I'm pretty sure no one that I know will ever see this, I may post more and more open with my true self. Perhaps.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
updates
My aunt came through surgery fine and only lost her big toe. It will be several months before she will be allowed to learn how to walk again, and she will have a special shoe to help compensate for the missing toe. The long recovery time is due to extremely poor circulation, which is due to uncontrolled diabetes.
My sister and niece are now safely away from the abusive bf. Now the healing can begin.
This time next week, I will be spending my first night in Israel.
Later.
My sister and niece are now safely away from the abusive bf. Now the healing can begin.
This time next week, I will be spending my first night in Israel.
Later.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
November
In just a week, I'll be in Dallas, trying to sleep, waiting to make the trip to Atlanta and then to Israel. Nathan, I hope I can still call you to pass the time. You will find this post interesting. It seems that no matter how hard I try to avoid it, someone out there manages to keep me up on things. The name has been blotted to protect the...umm, yeah.
The Group ****** announced their new member this week (I heard about it today), and I find it’s a weird place to be that I’m in: torn between caring for the people in ******, but no longer following the group. At this moment, I really have no desire to ever see them again in concert, even though I’d see Skillet, Downhere or Red in a heartbeat. And I’m not bitter towards ****** anymore. Just not interested. I am waiting to see if Lindsey is still going to want to make the OKC concert, and I hope she doesn’t so I’m not forced to speak the truth of my feelings. She’s still CCM, but I’m not. The only reason ****** is even on my iPod is because of the way I feel about them as people and the special place they have in my heart. If it wasn’t for that, I’d probably already sold all my CDs. How much do you think I'd get for the autographed ones, Nate? lol
Wow. Only a week to go, from tomorrow night. I won't leave Dallas until like 4pm. Didn't get that info til last Friday, or I would've skipped the overnight in Dallas. But better to make the flight than to miss it due to a delayed or canceled flight out of here. We don't leave Atlanta until nearly 11pm, and then land in Tel Aviv the next evening at 5:20 local time. They are 8 hours ahead of us there in the CST zone. My years traveling so much for ****** taught me to keep my excitement levels down to a tolerable level. I'm not pinging all the time like I once did before an exciting trip. I must admit, I pinged when the packed arrived last Friday with all the final information. And just as I'd calmed down, my mom started to ping. Hilarious.
Family is crazy as always. One of my sisters and her daughter will be moving back to live with Mom and Dad for awhile, until my sister can get back on her feet. The bf that had promised so much had turned out to be abusive. One of my mom's sisters is having surgery in the morning to remove the big toe on her right foot, and hopefully not too much more. It will depend on how much skin is viable to cover the wound. The scary part of all this is she's very fat and in bad medical shape, so going under general anesthesia could kill her. I hope it doesn't, just two weeks before Thanksgiving. If you don't mind, prayers would be helpful.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, we will be having a Thanksgiving dinner in Israel. Other than that night, everything else will be local cuisine. If you happen to get the Daystar Network, they'll be filming live from a worship service we'll be in on Nov 21. Not that I expect to be on the camera...in fact hope dearly that I'm not. But my family will be able to say, "My daugther (sister, aunt) is there!!" I hope to wear my MercyMe hoodie, but I don't know yet what I will be wearing when.
I'm finally free of the depression that's haunted me for months. I broke down into tears before church a few weeks ago (I almost NEVER cry in front of ANYONE), and my pastor, who's like a father, wouldn't let the service even begin until everyone had gathered around me to pray. I cried pretty much all day, but their love and encouragement was what I needed to fight my way back to faith in God. Yeah, I'd actually lost it for awhile. It's a painful place to be, not being able to find the faith you once had. Searching your entire soul and finding only empty shelves.
I guess that's it for now.
The Group ****** announced their new member this week (I heard about it today), and I find it’s a weird place to be that I’m in: torn between caring for the people in ******, but no longer following the group. At this moment, I really have no desire to ever see them again in concert, even though I’d see Skillet, Downhere or Red in a heartbeat. And I’m not bitter towards ****** anymore. Just not interested. I am waiting to see if Lindsey is still going to want to make the OKC concert, and I hope she doesn’t so I’m not forced to speak the truth of my feelings. She’s still CCM, but I’m not. The only reason ****** is even on my iPod is because of the way I feel about them as people and the special place they have in my heart. If it wasn’t for that, I’d probably already sold all my CDs. How much do you think I'd get for the autographed ones, Nate? lol
Wow. Only a week to go, from tomorrow night. I won't leave Dallas until like 4pm. Didn't get that info til last Friday, or I would've skipped the overnight in Dallas. But better to make the flight than to miss it due to a delayed or canceled flight out of here. We don't leave Atlanta until nearly 11pm, and then land in Tel Aviv the next evening at 5:20 local time. They are 8 hours ahead of us there in the CST zone. My years traveling so much for ****** taught me to keep my excitement levels down to a tolerable level. I'm not pinging all the time like I once did before an exciting trip. I must admit, I pinged when the packed arrived last Friday with all the final information. And just as I'd calmed down, my mom started to ping. Hilarious.
Family is crazy as always. One of my sisters and her daughter will be moving back to live with Mom and Dad for awhile, until my sister can get back on her feet. The bf that had promised so much had turned out to be abusive. One of my mom's sisters is having surgery in the morning to remove the big toe on her right foot, and hopefully not too much more. It will depend on how much skin is viable to cover the wound. The scary part of all this is she's very fat and in bad medical shape, so going under general anesthesia could kill her. I hope it doesn't, just two weeks before Thanksgiving. If you don't mind, prayers would be helpful.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, we will be having a Thanksgiving dinner in Israel. Other than that night, everything else will be local cuisine. If you happen to get the Daystar Network, they'll be filming live from a worship service we'll be in on Nov 21. Not that I expect to be on the camera...in fact hope dearly that I'm not. But my family will be able to say, "My daugther (sister, aunt) is there!!" I hope to wear my MercyMe hoodie, but I don't know yet what I will be wearing when.
I'm finally free of the depression that's haunted me for months. I broke down into tears before church a few weeks ago (I almost NEVER cry in front of ANYONE), and my pastor, who's like a father, wouldn't let the service even begin until everyone had gathered around me to pray. I cried pretty much all day, but their love and encouragement was what I needed to fight my way back to faith in God. Yeah, I'd actually lost it for awhile. It's a painful place to be, not being able to find the faith you once had. Searching your entire soul and finding only empty shelves.
I guess that's it for now.
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